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St. Mary's
is one of the few parishes in
the area that provides pastoral
care for persons who are
divorced. We support
parishioners from St. Mary's in
addition to other Catholics
around Chicago.
If you are a Catholic who is
divorced and would like to
participate in a program that
will address some of the key
issues you may be facing, please
join us on Tuesday, June 29 in
the Parish Center Living Room at
7:00pm. We will be using
resources recommended by the
Family Ministries Office of the
archdiocese for our discussions.
This is open to Catholics in the
wider area. Please contact Cathy
Williams of our Parish Staff at
(847) 234-0205 or cwilliams@churchofstmary.org
for more information.
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Click
Here to visit the
Archdiocese of Chicago's Family
Ministries Page on Divorce
Divorce
is
never part of your plan for life. When
you married, you intended it to last a
lifetime. Now you have been faced with a
situation that could seemingly not be
resolved any other way. It is a time of
grief and great pain for the loss of the
dream you had for your life. You are
divorced. You are single again and
probably have many responsibilities from
the marriage that will need your
attention. The first thing you must do
is to take good care of yourself. The
children, your job, your extended family
will all suffer more if you are not
healthy and hopeful for the future.
A Few Things to Do:
* Attend peer self support groups
* Seek the help of a professional
counselor as you transition into single
life.
* Get enough sleep every day.
* Eat healthy foods.
* Avoid alcohol.
* Exercise a few times a week.
* Do not dwell on what you could have
done or should have done.
* Do not start dating again for a couple
of years. You need time to heal.
* Listen to soothing music to calm
yourself, even at bedtime.
* Pray daily for strength to get through
this difficult time.
* Ask for help from friends and loved
ones.
Catholic Divorce
Truths
*There is much
misunderstanding about divorce among
Catholics.
*Divorced Catholics are not
excommunicated.
*Divorced Catholics may receive
Eucharist and Reconciliation.
*Divorced Catholics are full members
of the Catholic Church and may
participate fully in the church.
*Children will not be illegitimate if
a divorced Catholic is granted a
declaration of nullity.
*Before a divorced Catholic can marry
in the Church, a declaration of
nullity must be granted
on the previous marriage.
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What the
Church Says About Divorce
“If either spouse
causes serious danger to body or
spirit to the other spouse or the
children, that spouse gives the
other a legitimate cause for
separating…” Code
of Canon Law
“…for people who have undergone
divorce…it is even more necessary
for the Church to offer continual
love and assistance, without there
being any obstacle to admission to
the sacraments.” Pope John Paul II,
in Familiaris
Consortio, 1981
“Any baptized person who is not
prohibited by law can and must be
admitted to Holy Communion.” Code
of Canon Law
“The Church does not admit to
Eucharistic Communion divorced
persons who have remarried.” Pope
John Paul II in Familiaris
Consortio, 1981
“The Lord Jesus insisted on the
original intention of the Creator
who willed that marriage be
indissoluble. He abrogates the
accommodations that had slipped into
the old Law.” The
Catechism of the Catholic Church
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Counseling
There
may be times or situations in life
when you need an impartial person to
listen to your concerns and help you
objectively explore alternatives. We
often look to our trusted family
members for this kind of help. While
that can be good most of the time,
there are other times when family may
not be the best solution for you. You
may need a professional person; one
who does not take sides or have
preferences for you or the other
people in your life. A counselor will
have a fresh perspective that can help
you find peace and answers.
The
Family Ministries Office of the
Archdiocese of Chicago maintains a
list of experienced professional
counselors and therapists who support
Catholic teaching. Call the Holbrook
Center at Catholic
Charities at 312.655.7725 or, call the
Family Ministries Office at
312.534.8351.
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Divorce and
the Rest of the Family
Divorce affects more than just
the couple ending their marriage.
Children in the family are affected.
Inlaws on both sides are experiencing
the loss, too, as are neighbors and
friends.
Offer help to the divorced:
*Show the care you still have for
them.
*Support and comfort the children as
they adjust to the changes.
*Listen well and with understanding.
*Suspend judgments.
*Expect to mourn the end of this
marriage.
*Take a casserole over to the family.
*Offer respite to the custodial parent
on occasion.
*Pray for the entire family.
*Welcome all members of the family at
public and social gatherings.
*Be mindful that there are no "ex"
parents, only "ex" spouses.
*Be kind to those in pain over the
trauma of the divorce.
*Focus on the bright side of future
opportunities and challenges.
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Rebuilding
after Divorce
Faith
and courage are needed to rebuild life
after the end of a marriage. You are
encouraged to seek help from good
people who have learned how to move
ahead with rebuilding their lives.
Peer support groups, professional
counseling, and kind people in your
faith community are likely places to
seek out support.
If you
are separated, use this time to
reflect on God’s will for you. Attend
Retrouvaille,
participate in The
Third Option program, seek
effective counseling from a
professional, and pray for strength to
follow your marital commitment. Think
of what is best for the children.
If you
are a single parent, seek help from
other single parents. Attend parent
education opportunities through your
local grammar school, high school,
park district, or library. Never speak
ill of the other parent in front of
the children.
If you
are co-parenting, learn to share the
children in a kind way. Do not punish
the other parent and do not punish the
child for the relationship they have
with the other parent. Every time you
talk poorly about the other parent,
you inflict deep pain in the child.
Children whose separated or divorced
parents continue to argue and fight
have the greatest harm inflicted on
them.
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