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St. Mary's is one of the few parishes in the area that provides pastoral care for persons who are divorced. We support parishioners from St. Mary's in addition to other Catholics around Chicago. Our next session will begin in January.
Please contact Fr. Mike McGovern, Pastor at (847) 234-0205 or mmcgovern@churchofstmary.org for more information.
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Click Here to visit the Archdiocese of Chicago's Family Ministries Page on Divorce
Divorce is never part of your plan for life. When you married, you intended it to last a lifetime. Now you have been faced with a situation that could seemingly not be resolved any other way. It is a time of grief and great pain for the loss of the dream you had for your life. You are divorced. You are single again and probably have many responsibilities from the marriage that will need your attention. The first thing you must do is to take good care of yourself. The children, your job, your extended family will all suffer more if you are not healthy and hopeful for the future.
A Few Things to Do:
* Attend peer self support groups
* Seek the help of a professional counselor as you transition into single life.
* Get enough sleep every day.
* Eat healthy foods.
* Avoid alcohol.
* Exercise a few times a week.
* Do not dwell on what you could have done or should have done.
* Do not start dating again for a couple of years. You need time to heal.
* Listen to soothing music to calm yourself, even at bedtime.
* Pray daily for strength to get through this difficult time.
* Ask for help from friends and loved ones.
Catholic Divorce Truths
*There is much misunderstanding about divorce among Catholics.
*Divorced Catholics are not excommunicated.
*Divorced Catholics may receive Eucharist and Reconciliation.
*Divorced Catholics are full members of the Catholic Church and may participate fully in the church.
*Children will not be illegitimate if a divorced Catholic is granted a declaration of nullity.
*Before a divorced Catholic can marry in the Church, a declaration of nullity must be granted on the previous marriage.
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What the Church Says About Divorce
“If either spouse causes serious danger to body or spirit to the other spouse or the children, that spouse gives the other a legitimate cause for separating…” Code of Canon Law
“…for people who have undergone divorce…it is even more necessary for the Church to offer continual love and assistance, without there being any obstacle to admission to the sacraments.” Pope John Paul II, in Familiaris Consortio, 1981
“Any baptized person who is not prohibited by law can and must be admitted to Holy Communion.” Code of Canon Law
“The Church does not admit to Eucharistic Communion divorced persons who have remarried.” Pope John Paul II in Familiaris Consortio, 1981
“The Lord Jesus insisted on the original intention of the Creator who willed that marriage be indissoluble. He abrogates the accommodations that had slipped into the old Law.” The Catechism of the Catholic Church
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Counseling
There may be times or situations in life when you need an impartial person to listen to your concerns and help you objectively explore alternatives. We often look to our trusted family members for this kind of help. While that can be good most of the time, there are other times when family may not be the best solution for you. You may need a professional person; one who does not take sides or have preferences for you or the other people in your life. A counselor will have a fresh perspective that can help you find peace and answers.
The Family Ministries Office of the Archdiocese of Chicago maintains a list of experienced professional counselors and therapists who support Catholic teaching. Call the Holbrook Center at Catholic Charities at 312.655.7725 or, call the Family Ministries Office at 312.534.8351.
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Divorce and the Rest of the Family
Divorce affects more than just the couple ending their marriage. Children in the family are affected. Inlaws on both sides are experiencing the loss, too, as are neighbors and friends.
Offer help to the divorced:
*Show the care you still have for them.
*Support and comfort the children as they adjust to the changes.
*Listen well and with understanding.
*Suspend judgments.
*Expect to mourn the end of this marriage.
*Take a casserole over to the family.
*Offer respite to the custodial parent on occasion.
*Pray for the entire family.
*Welcome all members of the family at public and social gatherings.
*Be mindful that there are no "ex" parents, only "ex" spouses.
*Be kind to those in pain over the trauma of the divorce.
*Focus on the bright side of future opportunities and challenges.
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Rebuilding after Divorce
Faith and courage are needed to rebuild life after the end of a marriage. You are encouraged to seek help from good people who have learned how to move ahead with rebuilding their lives. Peer support groups, professional counseling, and kind people in your faith community are likely places to seek out support.
If you are separated, use this time to reflect on God’s will for you. Attend Retrouvaille, participate in The Third Option program, seek effective counseling from a professional, and pray for strength to follow your marital commitment. Think of what is best for the children.
If you are a single parent, seek help from other single parents. Attend parent education opportunities through your local grammar school, high school, park district, or library. Never speak ill of the other parent in front of the children.
If you are co-parenting, learn to share the children in a kind way. Do not punish the other parent and do not punish the child for the relationship they have with the other parent. Every time you talk poorly about the other parent, you inflict deep pain in the child. Children whose separated or divorced parents continue to argue and fight have the greatest harm inflicted on them.
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